Henry J. M. Nouwen's book, The Inner Voice of Love, was written during the most difficult time of his life, a time of deep anguish that he eventually walked out of into freedom. I had heard of it in passing, and then my mom actually bought two of his books, this being one of them. So i finally took a look at it this morning. Nouwen encourages the reader not too read too many of them at once, that "they were written over a long period of time and need to be read that way too." The book has a table of contents and each "spiritual imperative" is titled based on the subject of that particular one. I took a look and skimmed a few, and then went back to the one entitled "Love Deeply". For those of you that really know me (David, Bethann, and others) it probably does not surprise you that I chose this one.
Love is this incredibly complex thing, and yet its not all at the same time. (DS-I know that is a completely contradictory statement, like saying your simplicity makes you complicated) But really, it takes us a lifetime to discover most of the spectrum's of love. Love for a Savior, love for a parent, love for a friend, love for a Savior, love for a boyfriend-fiance-husband, love for those friends in your life who are your inner circle, love for a Savior, love for a child... this list is endless. I think that only God has the full capacity to experience love in every way shape and form and understand it. Loving is what most deeply connects us with God and with each other, a mutual love for Christ. Our salvation was born out of an act of love, when we accept God's gift of his Son, it is out of love. Our surrender to Christ daily, comes from love. It is this central concept to everything it seems like. And yet, there is a harsh reality that comes with love, and that is pain.
Someone once told me that I put my whole heart into things and that is why I end up more hurt. In the midst of pain I saw that as my weakness and thought how next time I wouldn't put so much in. Truthfully, loving someone, whether they are a friend, parent, child, or significant other, is amazing and I can imagine not putting my whole heart into it. It is a wonderful feeling to love someone, I mean deeply love someone, and its equally amazing when you are loved in return. So every time there is someone that is brought into my life to love, I love with my whole heart, which might sound masochistic, but Nouwen wouldn't agree, and I don't either.
He says in the first sentence of this entry "Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply." Now anyone who has loved and lost might scoff at this statement, but I have love and lost many people in my life, whether by distance, time, choice, or even death; and this sentence rings true with my heart. Of course there may have been times where in the midst of fresh pain I might have said silently to myself some silly pact about never putting my heart out there again, but then the pain subsides and you remember who God is and that he is love. I think sometimes I feel this residual pain from the past few years of my life, losing friends and experiences, the change in where my life was or is. I know that at times I feel broken, not in the good sense such as broken before the Lord, but broken as in not working properly. I feel it most when I have a conversation with someone and I hurt them because of what I am feeling and thinking and saying. I feel broken.
I love this passage because it reminds me that I'm not. It reminds me that "the more you have loved and allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper"; that "as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear".
I know that because of all that I have encountered in the various realms of love, any pain in any area of that has worked that I might love more deeply still. And that is Christ at work in me.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Finally....
So I haven't really posted anything in a really long time, and even when I did, it was song lyrics or a picture or something. Kind of a cop-out, I know. Well this one will "involve" song lyrics but it won't be the majority of the post! So I found out about a CD release by this great young married couple in Delaware. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to buy the CD though since I hadn't really heard a lot of their music. Well lucky me, my dear friend Jess Ruggieri bought it for me for Christmas!!
Can I just say that these two people are so incredibly talented. I love this album, as anyone who has ridden in my car the last several weeks can attest, (I play it constantly). Jess and I were talking about the album and since she went to the release concert, she got to hear the origin behind each song. After that conversation I paid particular attention to song number four. On the album they have sort of a theme word associated with each song, number four is I think "grace" but I'll have to double check. Anyways, I have listened to this song over and over because in a way it is the cry of my heart at this point in my life, well, and every point... you'll see why.....
"CALLED BEAUTY" by Jenny and Tyler Somers
"daily i could look at the gold and the fine, fine
silver with which You have adorned my arms
and neck and fingers
so i was called beauty in the eyes
these gifts assured me You were mine
so I was called beauty in the eyes of my God and
the angels
yet i sold all the jewels that You gave to me
and i used all the cash on other lovers i’d see
hoping that none would discover this feat
of the muck and the mire i’d continue to feast
daily i could take in the scent of the fragrance
You’ve sprinkled on me and all the clothes
made of cashmere You give cause’ You call me
lovely daily i could look at how fair i was
because of You instead i’d forget what You’ve
given and living for suitors i’d choose
still i remain treasured in the eyes of my God
and the angels
yet i sold all the jewels that You gave to me
and i used all the cash on other lovers i’d see
hoping that none would discover this feat
of the muck and the mire i’d continue to feast
do not spare the rod how i long for faithfulness
tell me once again of Your grace and woo me
in let not these lovers be more attractive
than You God
remind me of love remind of You Jesus all of
You
still i remain treasured in the eyes"
_______________________________________________
This song amazes me, the depth of the words they chose to use and how blunt at times. I constantly take what the Lord has given me and I sell it use it to fill myself with other things. The part that really struck a chord with me is the bridge (I underlined it above).
"Do not spare the rod" this isn't something you would think we would ask for, but really, if we long for faithfulness as the next line says, than we should be willing to be broken and shaped and taught. I do long for faithfulness, and if that means using the rod them I surrender to that, to Him. "Tell me once again of your grace and woo me in" it breaks my heart to know that I have to be reminded of His grace, that which is so abundant in my life and all around me, that I would forget it and need to be reminded of it, and yet, it is an utter cry that I know He will answer. "Let not these lovers be more attractive than you God" how many times do I get distracted by things that seem "more attractive" than who Christ is?
Lord, that you would unveil my eyes that I may see your glory and not be distracted. Do not spare the rod on me, break me and change me Lord, "remind me of love, remind me of you"
Can I just say that these two people are so incredibly talented. I love this album, as anyone who has ridden in my car the last several weeks can attest, (I play it constantly). Jess and I were talking about the album and since she went to the release concert, she got to hear the origin behind each song. After that conversation I paid particular attention to song number four. On the album they have sort of a theme word associated with each song, number four is I think "grace" but I'll have to double check. Anyways, I have listened to this song over and over because in a way it is the cry of my heart at this point in my life, well, and every point... you'll see why.....
"CALLED BEAUTY" by Jenny and Tyler Somers
"daily i could look at the gold and the fine, fine
silver with which You have adorned my arms
and neck and fingers
so i was called beauty in the eyes
these gifts assured me You were mine
so I was called beauty in the eyes of my God and
the angels
yet i sold all the jewels that You gave to me
and i used all the cash on other lovers i’d see
hoping that none would discover this feat
of the muck and the mire i’d continue to feast
daily i could take in the scent of the fragrance
You’ve sprinkled on me and all the clothes
made of cashmere You give cause’ You call me
lovely daily i could look at how fair i was
because of You instead i’d forget what You’ve
given and living for suitors i’d choose
still i remain treasured in the eyes of my God
and the angels
yet i sold all the jewels that You gave to me
and i used all the cash on other lovers i’d see
hoping that none would discover this feat
of the muck and the mire i’d continue to feast
do not spare the rod how i long for faithfulness
tell me once again of Your grace and woo me
in let not these lovers be more attractive
than You God
remind me of love remind of You Jesus all of
You
still i remain treasured in the eyes"
_______________________________________________
This song amazes me, the depth of the words they chose to use and how blunt at times. I constantly take what the Lord has given me and I sell it use it to fill myself with other things. The part that really struck a chord with me is the bridge (I underlined it above).
"Do not spare the rod" this isn't something you would think we would ask for, but really, if we long for faithfulness as the next line says, than we should be willing to be broken and shaped and taught. I do long for faithfulness, and if that means using the rod them I surrender to that, to Him. "Tell me once again of your grace and woo me in" it breaks my heart to know that I have to be reminded of His grace, that which is so abundant in my life and all around me, that I would forget it and need to be reminded of it, and yet, it is an utter cry that I know He will answer. "Let not these lovers be more attractive than you God" how many times do I get distracted by things that seem "more attractive" than who Christ is?
Lord, that you would unveil my eyes that I may see your glory and not be distracted. Do not spare the rod on me, break me and change me Lord, "remind me of love, remind me of you"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)