Reminders

I am amazed at the efforts and lengths the Lord goes to reach us. To remind us that He is here even when we are struggling through the fog and swamps to get past our own crap and see His face. I am in such a swamp land right now, one in which I can't seem to find Him in the midst of it all, even though I know He is right there. (its like that alot isn't it?)

And yet, in that place, He give tiny reminders that He is there with us, waiting. Reminding me that He can see through all the swamp and fog and He knows exactly where He wants me to go and who he wants me to travel with and meet along the way.

I have had some of those small reminders this week and I am so grateful. So for other swamp travelers, keep an eye out and listen carefully, He is there.

Twenty Seven

In honor of turning twenty-seven, being only 3 years away from 30, and having a desire to be more positive, here are 26 things I like and 1 I don't. (It was going to be 27 things I like but I'm pretty proud of the one I don't)

1. when gmail chat is experiencing difficulties and then rights itself and says, "....and we're back!" - it just makes me smile
2. my dad - he is my biggest cheerleader in life and I can honestly say no one loves me more than he does
3. my new pink polka dot tie (a small happiness in life but when you are in a tie at work 5 days a week - its big)
4. watching movies/tv in bed - i love this so much i would consider never having a couch (but that might get awkward when you have company over)
5. my friend Megan's photography, she is quite possibly the most talented person I have ever met
6. Coca~Cola - its a beautiful love affair actually that I have recently ended in hopes of smaller pants
7. high heels, I suck at wearing them but they make me feel pretty
8. gold jewelry! and I have loved it for the past 5 years or so and that BEFORE it became the new fad
9. anything vintage, this is probably why I love Anthropologie so much (its my secret ambition to gradually replace everything in my wardrobe with something from there - this will never happen)
10. The Jill and Keven wedding entrance video on youtube, I know this is cheesy and stupid but something about that is just so right, I feel like that's how all weddings should be
11. watching the winter Olympics with Susan my roommate, during any event when it looks like someone is out of control and might fall, she screams and its hysterical
12. going to Brio's happy hour just for the food and NOT ordering drinks!
13. bartending shifts (few and far between but I LOVE it)
14. scarves, I don't think I'll ever get tired of this fad
15. Gilmore Girls - quite possibly my favorite TV show of ALL TIME
16. that even though this much snow is a pain at this point, it still feels magical when you watch it snow out your window
17. living next door to the Huyetts
18. my chemistry lab - which is huge for me because i don't really like science but I like my chemistry lab, probably because my professor is awesome and lets us call her Wendy
19. the fact that when i wrote number 3, I had to seriously think about how to spell polka dot and then look it up to be sure - its a little sad but pretty funny
20. wearing scrubs, a good 20% of why I'm excited to be a nurse one day
21. ensemble casts in movies, its just more fun that way
22. when you only like pink and red starburst and you open 4 two packs and they are ALL pinks and reds (thanks to Andrea's magic touch!)
23. procrastinating - not good for me but it sure is fun (point in case, I should be doing school work)
24. wearing a lab coat in micro this semester, it makes me feel like a doctor
25. my new jewelry case that my roommates got me, it screams Anthropologie
26. getting closer to my brother as we get older...its pretty cool
27. what I don't like: leaving voicemails, I RARELY leave voicemails, not sure why - just don't like to

and there you have it, hope you enjoyed reading!

A Valentine

Dear Microbiology,

I hate you.

Love,
Sarah

One Step at a Time...

So to say its been a crazy week would be a gross understatement. Classes started barely two weeks ago and already I feel behind. I had it easy last semester only taking the second half of Anatomy and Physiology and the added income of catering and house sitting. I have now found myself in the vicious cycle of needing more hours in the week for studying but not being able to afford living if I work any less - this means I am left to very carefully time manage to have just enough time to study AND work enough hours that I can meet all my financial obligations and still manage to sleep enough not to get sick :)

Weekly Recap: 48 hours in 4 days at the restaurant, $157 tow job for parking illegally when running late to one of those shifts, a trip to the verizon store for my constantly dying phone, more microbiology than one should have to read/endure in a lifetime unless teaching it, and a new hat one of my co-workers gave me (the highlight of my weekend) :)

Here's hoping for a better week :)

Valley of Vision

I came across a book a while back called the Valley of Vision, which is a collection of old puritan prayers. I then proceeded to forget about it until I saw my roommate Rachel reading her copy. I borrowed it and then bought my own; the opening prayer for which the book is named is below:

Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;

Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.

Ugh.

So not a good start to the semester. Just took an online quiz and got 3 out of 5 points. That's a 60%. I haven't gotten a 60% on anything since I bombed calculus in 12th grade. Something tells me this isn't going to be an easy semester.

Re-runs

For lack of anything better to write about I just have to say that I love re-runs. I love season's of shows on DVD, I think it's one of the better things the industry has done. I absolutely love watching my old favorite TV shows starting at Season 1 through the finale back to back. Plus, I've actually got hooked on at least 5 shows over the last few years by watching the re-runs first. Well done TV people.

A few of my favorites:

• Gilmore Girls
• Friends
• Law & Order: SVU
• Greys Anatomy
• Bones

Back to school...Back to school....

To prove to myself that I'm not a fool! Yes today is the first day of classes of my last semester at AACC and then onto a four year university! Woohoo (still not sure which one though)

To be honest there is part of me that really isn't looking forward to this semester for certain reasons, but luckily the fact that these are my last two pre-reqs gives me a sense of hope that the end of this particular leg of this dream is ending and opening into the next one; hopefully this will be enough to carry me through what will most likely be my hardest semester yet.

I just found out who my professors are for this term and it turns out I have landed myself one of the hardest Microbiology professors you can get! Of course I did...ugh. She is hard and tough and demands a lot but I've heard that if you can truly study and understand her material the way she wants, you will walk away with a strong knowledge of the subject matter. I'm just hoping to walk away with an A.

P.S. To Megan - thanks for commenting! And now that's 3 in 8 months :)

First time for everything...

So I have been toying with the idea of training to be a bartender at the restaurant where I work. In some ways this would be an odd job for me considering I hate the taste of beer, wine, hard liquor, and pretty much every type of alcohol there is....well with the exception of Malibu Rum when mixed with cranberry juice - girly but I'm ok with that because I am, after all, a girl.

So I finally asked my manager who informed me that he would let me train only if i agreed to pick up the only remaining bartending shift up for grabs; I told him I would think about it. Less than 24 hours later, it had already been picked up by another server.... such is life right?

So I worked a double today and I was hoping to get put in the pub downstairs so that I could at least "unofficially" train with the bartender down there but I didn't get in touch with the night manager before she assigned sections. When I did finally get a chance to ask her, she informed me I would be spending the night shift.....BEHIND THE BAR! Basically the second bartender gave his shift away to a server instead of a bartender and I was the one who got to fill in for the second bartender slot. This did come with a fairly annoying catch but I won't get into that.

So after one short evening behind the bar, I learned several new drinks, poured a lot of beers, spilled a few times and messed up two margaritas, but all in all, it was a good night.

Cheers!

Let's try this again

So for any of you who randomly check this, and I'm guessing its down to maybe one person because of my lack of posting, I'm going to try and use this again. I'm not sure for what purposes yet but in time we'll see. So if you have the patience, check back and hopefully there will be some interesting things on here; no promises though :)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."       ~ Philippians 2: 3-4

This verse seems simple and to the point, and yet we have to fight off our very sin nature to accomplish even a small fraction of the selflessness to which we are called.  However, it is the Holy Spirit in us that makes this not only possible, but gives it the opportunity to grow into our new nature in Christ Jesus.

The thing I'm learning though is that this quality of selflessness isn't just the simple act of thinking of others instead of yourself.  It goes deeper, and into many areas and relationships in life.  For me I'm learning that at times, this means thinking of things and situations through another's eyes rather than my own.  Rather than seeing only how it affects me and makes me feel a certain way; I am called to see that other person's life and situation, maybe just in that one hour of their lives and see how this situation is from their point of view.  It's a lot harder than it sounds, especially if we are dealing with hurt or frustration because we know that those feelings are real.  But what I think we are called to in these few verses is to step out of those feelings and see the situation from the other's point of view before we really solidify our thoughts/perceptions.

For me in particular, this is a daunting task because I live by my emotions and it is a huge challenge to put aside how I am feeling and really take a deeper look at the current situation.  But I'm learning that in laying that down and considering the other person, there is sometimes a peace that is found, an understanding now present.  And this can bring more joy into our lives, the act of thinking of others before ourselves.

Charles Spurgeon says "Beloved, depend upon it, our miseries grow at the root of our selfishness. Where selfishness begins, sorrow begins; and where selfishness is dead, grief is dead. Remember that our sorrows usually spring out of ourselves; and that, when self is 

conquered, sorrow is to a great extent banished from the human heart. "

Introduction to Christ

So my dad sent me a link to a video of Steve Harvey giving what he called his introduction to Christ (I guess he was asked how he would introduce Jesus to a room full of people). The words and video are below. Just so simple and yet so true an amazing when you realize the truth of it all.



"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce a man who needs no introduction. His credits are too long to list! He has done the impossible time after time! He hails out of a manger in Bethlehem and Jerusalem by way of Heaven! His mother is still headlining in the Catholic church today! His Daddy is the author of a book that has been on the best seller list since the beginning of time! He holds the record for the world's greatest fish fry! He fed five thousand hungry souls with two fish and five loaves of bread! He can walk on water, turn water into wine, no special effects, no camera tricks. He has a head shot on every church van across the country! Jesus, before the Kings of Comedy, he was hailed the King of all Kings, Ruler of the Universe, Alpha and Omega, beginning and the end, the bright and the Morning Star! Some say he is the Rose of Sharon and some say he is the Prince of Peace. Get up on your feet, put your hands together and show your love for the Second Coming of the One and Only!"

Beautiful Scandalous Night

I was just in North Carolina for Ginny Ficker's wedding to her now husband Mark Evans. While I was there I stayed with one of my closest and dearest friends, Torrey and her husband Jay. I love visiting them; it's equivalent to walking in an open field while inhaling pure oxygen and talking with Jesus (I know that's a lot of things but its the best way I can think of to describe it). Their relationship to each other and to the Lord is of constant encouragement to me. One of the other reasons I love visiting them is going to their church. They attend North Wake which is in the town of Wake Forest, NC. It is a wonderful place full of a community of believers who are all about Christ and seeking his will and glorification. In worship yesterday, they played Beautiful Scandalous Night which is a song that always stirs my heart as I listen to the amazing words that tell of the night He died for us all. The lyrics are below and I love reading over them while I listen and being amazed at the simple fact that we can "go under and be purified", that "we're atoned by His blood and forever washed white".

Go on up to the mountain of mercy

To the crimson perpetual tide

Kneel down on the shore

Be thirsty no more

Go under and be purified

Follow Christ to the holy mountain

Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall

Cleanse your heart and your soul

In the fountain that flowed

For you and for me and for all

<

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree

On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me

Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white

On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered

At the foot of the cross justified

And your spirit restored

By the river that poured

From our blessed Savior's side

Go on up to the mountain of mercy

To the crimson perpetual tide

Kneel down on the shore

Be thirsty no more

Go under and be purified

~ Smalltown Poets

I'm Moving!!!

Okay I'm moving but not out of state or anything, but to a new house with wonderful girls and I'm so excited! I will be moving to a house off of West Street in Annapolis with Rachel, Susan, Gabe, and eventually another person as well most likely! They have been so great while I mulled over my decision and I'm so excited! Meet my new roomies!

I think I can I think I can...

Sometimes I feel like the Little Engine That Could... or Could Not actually. I knew working full time and going to school would be tough but I'm at that point where I am running out of steam. With only 4 weeks left of the semester I am in 2 courses with about 8 or 10 classes left in each, 1 or 2 more quizzes, 2 more regular exams, and 2 finals. Maybe I'll go buy that book and figure out his secret....

Ode To Diane

Okay so this isn't really and ode per say, basically just a post so Diane will stop pointing out how pathetic my blog is :) so I guess I'll just give an update on my life for those of you that even look at this anymore (which I don't' think is anyone)

1. I am currently enrolled in class pursing my BS in Nursing (right now I'm in the middle of Anatomy and Physiology which is kicking my butt, and Statistics)
2. Still working at a Web Design firm in Columbia, MD.
3. Still living in Annapolis (Eastport).
4. Realizing as I'm writing this that its not as exciting to talk about your life when all you do is work and study :)
5. I am bummed that the Cardinals didn't win the Superbowl last night, and somewhat disappointed in their defense for not holding off the Steelers on that last drive.
6. I am excited to go to Philly on the 15th with David and see 2 wonderful people who love me very much (Jess and Bethann)
7. I am exactly 13 days away from turning 26, which I am realizing is starting to feel "old".

I think 7 is good for now.

So I've been reading this book by Paula Rinehart entitled "Better Than My Dreams". Its been fantastic but as most books do, it stirs up my heart, makes me think A LOT, and pushes me to meditate on what Christ would have me learning through it. So basically I get all quiet and emotional :)

So this morning I woke up late and decided to grab my copy of Utmost for His Highest and see what Chambers had to say today, You can read it below:

What line of thinking do my thoughts take? Do I turn to what God says or to my own fears? Am I simply repeating what God says, or am I learning to truly hear Him and then to respond after I have heard what He says? "For He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ’The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’ " ( Hebrews 13:5-6 ).

"I will never leave you . . ."— not for any reason; not my sin, selfishness, stubbornness, nor waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never leave me? If I have not truly heard this assurance of God, then let me listen again.

"I will never . . . forsake you." Sometimes it is not the difficulty of life but the drudgery of it that makes me think God will forsake me. When there is no major difficulty to overcome, no vision from God, nothing wonderful or beautiful— just the everyday activities of life— do I hear God’s assurance even in these?

We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing— that He is preparing and equipping us for some extraordinary work in the future. But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this very moment. If we have God’s assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours, and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life.

What encouraged me about this writing was the last two paragraphs. Not so much that I think or feel as though God has forsaken me, but I do catch myself in that mindset of "is this all there is?" when the drudgery of my job or living in Annapolis away from community gets to me. The times where I have experienced Christ the most have been times, such as Chambers mentions above, where there was a difficulty to overcome, a vision from God, or something wonderful and beautiful spurring my spirit on. So when the everyday life lacks those things that have previously brought me to the foot of the cross, discouragement seeps in...

But its encouraging to be reminded that God is in the small places in life, that while there are different chapters and some may seem "bigger" than others, God is the same throughout. He may have had specific ways in which he desired to grow me when times were in the valley or on the mountain; but I know that God is good and that he has plans for my growth at all points in my life, I simply need to seek His face and allow Him to continue to shape me and mold me into the woman he wants me to be.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm trying to see Him in the seemingly mundane aspects of my life, in those places I least expect to experience Him (my job, my living situation, my lack geographically close community) and realize that even in what seems like the drudgery of everyday life, the Lord is apparent and ever present, longing to grow me more.

Beatiful Words

Jeremy Riddle "Sweetly Broken"

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

"Love Deeply"

Henry J. M. Nouwen's book, The Inner Voice of Love, was written during the most difficult time of his life, a time of deep anguish that he eventually walked out of into freedom. I had heard of it in passing, and then my mom actually bought two of his books, this being one of them. So i finally took a look at it this morning. Nouwen encourages the reader not too read too many of them at once, that "they were written over a long period of time and need to be read that way too." The book has a table of contents and each "spiritual imperative" is titled based on the subject of that particular one. I took a look and skimmed a few, and then went back to the one entitled "Love Deeply". For those of you that really know me (David, Bethann, and others) it probably does not surprise you that I chose this one.

Love is this incredibly complex thing, and yet its not all at the same time. (DS-I know that is a completely contradictory statement, like saying your simplicity makes you complicated) But really, it takes us a lifetime to discover most of the spectrum's of love. Love for a Savior, love for a parent, love for a friend, love for a Savior, love for a boyfriend-fiance-husband, love for those friends in your life who are your inner circle, love for a Savior, love for a child... this list is endless. I think that only God has the full capacity to experience love in every way shape and form and understand it. Loving is what most deeply connects us with God and with each other, a mutual love for Christ. Our salvation was born out of an act of love, when we accept God's gift of his Son, it is out of love. Our surrender to Christ daily, comes from love. It is this central concept to everything it seems like. And yet, there is a harsh reality that comes with love, and that is pain.

Someone once told me that I put my whole heart into things and that is why I end up more hurt. In the midst of pain I saw that as my weakness and thought how next time I wouldn't put so much in. Truthfully, loving someone, whether they are a friend, parent, child, or significant other, is amazing and I can imagine not putting my whole heart into it. It is a wonderful feeling to love someone, I mean deeply love someone, and its equally amazing when you are loved in return. So every time there is someone that is brought into my life to love, I love with my whole heart, which might sound masochistic, but Nouwen wouldn't agree, and I don't either.

He says in the first sentence of this entry "Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply." Now anyone who has loved and lost might scoff at this statement, but I have love and lost many people in my life, whether by distance, time, choice, or even death; and this sentence rings true with my heart. Of course there may have been times where in the midst of fresh pain I might have said silently to myself some silly pact about never putting my heart out there again, but then the pain subsides and you remember who God is and that he is love. I think sometimes I feel this residual pain from the past few years of my life, losing friends and experiences, the change in where my life was or is. I know that at times I feel broken, not in the good sense such as broken before the Lord, but broken as in not working properly. I feel it most when I have a conversation with someone and I hurt them because of what I am feeling and thinking and saying. I feel broken.

I love this passage because it reminds me that I'm not. It reminds me that "the more you have loved and allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper"; that "as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear".

I know that because of all that I have encountered in the various realms of love, any pain in any area of that has worked that I might love more deeply still. And that is Christ at work in me.

Finally....

So I haven't really posted anything in a really long time, and even when I did, it was song lyrics or a picture or something. Kind of a cop-out, I know. Well this one will "involve" song lyrics but it won't be the majority of the post! So I found out about a CD release by this great young married couple in Delaware. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to buy the CD though since I hadn't really heard a lot of their music. Well lucky me, my dear friend Jess Ruggieri bought it for me for Christmas!!

Can I just say that these two people are so incredibly talented. I love this album, as anyone who has ridden in my car the last several weeks can attest, (I play it constantly). Jess and I were talking about the album and since she went to the release concert, she got to hear the origin behind each song. After that conversation I paid particular attention to song number four. On the album they have sort of a theme word associated with each song, number four is I think "grace" but I'll have to double check. Anyways, I have listened to this song over and over because in a way it is the cry of my heart at this point in my life, well, and every point... you'll see why.....

"CALLED BEAUTY" by Jenny and Tyler Somers

"daily i could look at the gold and the fine, fine
silver with which You have adorned my arms
and neck and fingers

so i was called beauty in the eyes
these gifts assured me You were mine
so I was called beauty in the eyes of my God and
the angels

yet i sold all the jewels that You gave to me
and i used all the cash on other lovers i’d see
hoping that none would discover this feat
of the muck and the mire i’d continue to feast

daily i could take in the scent of the fragrance
You’ve sprinkled on me and all the clothes
made of cashmere You give cause’ You call me
lovely daily i could look at how fair i was
because of You instead i’d forget what You’ve
given and living for suitors i’d choose

still i remain treasured in the eyes of my God
and the angels

yet i sold all the jewels that You gave to me
and i used all the cash on other lovers i’d see
hoping that none would discover this feat
of the muck and the mire i’d continue to feast

do not spare the rod how i long for faithfulness
tell me once again of Your grace and woo me
in let not these lovers be more attractive
than You God

remind me of love remind of You Jesus all of
You

still i remain treasured in the eyes"
_______________________________________________

This song amazes me, the depth of the words they chose to use and how blunt at times. I constantly take what the Lord has given me and I sell it use it to fill myself with other things. The part that really struck a chord with me is the bridge (I underlined it above).

"Do not spare the rod" this isn't something you would think we would ask for, but really, if we long for faithfulness as the next line says, than we should be willing to be broken and shaped and taught. I do long for faithfulness, and if that means using the rod them I surrender to that, to Him. "Tell me once again of your grace and woo me in" it breaks my heart to know that I have to be reminded of His grace, that which is so abundant in my life and all around me, that I would forget it and need to be reminded of it, and yet, it is an utter cry that I know He will answer. "Let not these lovers be more attractive than you God" how many times do I get distracted by things that seem "more attractive" than who Christ is?

Lord, that you would unveil my eyes that I may see your glory and not be distracted. Do not spare the rod on me, break me and change me Lord, "remind me of love, remind me of you"