"Love Deeply"

Henry J. M. Nouwen's book, The Inner Voice of Love, was written during the most difficult time of his life, a time of deep anguish that he eventually walked out of into freedom. I had heard of it in passing, and then my mom actually bought two of his books, this being one of them. So i finally took a look at it this morning. Nouwen encourages the reader not too read too many of them at once, that "they were written over a long period of time and need to be read that way too." The book has a table of contents and each "spiritual imperative" is titled based on the subject of that particular one. I took a look and skimmed a few, and then went back to the one entitled "Love Deeply". For those of you that really know me (David, Bethann, and others) it probably does not surprise you that I chose this one.

Love is this incredibly complex thing, and yet its not all at the same time. (DS-I know that is a completely contradictory statement, like saying your simplicity makes you complicated) But really, it takes us a lifetime to discover most of the spectrum's of love. Love for a Savior, love for a parent, love for a friend, love for a Savior, love for a boyfriend-fiance-husband, love for those friends in your life who are your inner circle, love for a Savior, love for a child... this list is endless. I think that only God has the full capacity to experience love in every way shape and form and understand it. Loving is what most deeply connects us with God and with each other, a mutual love for Christ. Our salvation was born out of an act of love, when we accept God's gift of his Son, it is out of love. Our surrender to Christ daily, comes from love. It is this central concept to everything it seems like. And yet, there is a harsh reality that comes with love, and that is pain.

Someone once told me that I put my whole heart into things and that is why I end up more hurt. In the midst of pain I saw that as my weakness and thought how next time I wouldn't put so much in. Truthfully, loving someone, whether they are a friend, parent, child, or significant other, is amazing and I can imagine not putting my whole heart into it. It is a wonderful feeling to love someone, I mean deeply love someone, and its equally amazing when you are loved in return. So every time there is someone that is brought into my life to love, I love with my whole heart, which might sound masochistic, but Nouwen wouldn't agree, and I don't either.

He says in the first sentence of this entry "Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply." Now anyone who has loved and lost might scoff at this statement, but I have love and lost many people in my life, whether by distance, time, choice, or even death; and this sentence rings true with my heart. Of course there may have been times where in the midst of fresh pain I might have said silently to myself some silly pact about never putting my heart out there again, but then the pain subsides and you remember who God is and that he is love. I think sometimes I feel this residual pain from the past few years of my life, losing friends and experiences, the change in where my life was or is. I know that at times I feel broken, not in the good sense such as broken before the Lord, but broken as in not working properly. I feel it most when I have a conversation with someone and I hurt them because of what I am feeling and thinking and saying. I feel broken.

I love this passage because it reminds me that I'm not. It reminds me that "the more you have loved and allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper"; that "as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear".

I know that because of all that I have encountered in the various realms of love, any pain in any area of that has worked that I might love more deeply still. And that is Christ at work in me.