"In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always thought I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die. The reason for this is that I am born in selfishness and therefore my natural efforts to make myself more real and more myself, make me less real and less myself, because they revolve around a lie."
~ Thomas Merton
I can't help but realize that at times this is me. I lose sight of seeking the face of Christ and begin to pour all my focus into reshaping my character and going down a check list of spiritual practices that I feel will make me more holy. It is heartbreaking how easy it is to fall into this. In the light of who Christ is, His unfathomable love for us, and His gracious mercy; how can i be so easily distracted by myself? Because, as Merton says, "we were born in selfishness". It is part of our sin nature and what comes so natural to us. But I believe there is something strong enough to break that in me, and that is Jesus Christ and what was done on the cross. But if I don't make it a priority everyday to remember that sacrifice, that pure act of selflessness that is the basis of my faith, then I will get lost in my own journey for righteousness apart from the Lord, who says,
"There is no one righteous, not even one;.." (Romans 3:10)
I cannot find righteousness apart from God. And I am not to seek righteousness in the first place. I cannot earn anything and I am entitled to nothing. Paul asks "What do you have that you did not receive?"(1 Cor. 4:7)
"that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."(Philippians 3:8-9)
So it is in Christ that I am found, in Him where righteousness is found. It is by His grace that I am saved and sanctified; made more into His likeness everyday, which is not for my glory but His and His alone.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
A prayer....
"But give me the strenght that waits upon You in slience and peace. Give me humility in which alone is rest, and eliver me from pride which is the heaviest of burdens. And possess my whole heart and sould with the simplicity of love. Occupy my whole life with the one thought and the one desire of love, that I may not love for the sake of merit, not for the sake of perfection, not for the sake of virtue, not for the sake of sanctity, but for You alone.
For there is only one thing that can satisfy love and reward it, and that is You alone."
Thomas Merton
For there is only one thing that can satisfy love and reward it, and that is You alone."
Thomas Merton
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Identity in Christ
This is a long one . . .
Somewhere in the last year or two (maybe longer), without even realizing it, I lost myself. I lost sense of who I was, or rather who I am in Christ. There are times where I think I would sense hints of that, of not really knowing my true self, but I would shrug it off and blame on my current circumstances at the time, or relationships that were in my life. I told a friend once that I felt as though I didn't have any of my "mirrors" around me. You know, those people who know you better than you know yourself and can reflect back to you who you really are. She told me that maybe that was for a reason, and that really I needed to let the One who created me be my mirror.
There have been very specific times in the last year or two where I have felt completely stripped of all my comforts, all my intimate relationships, and all things that I could potentially use to fill the ache inside of me. And I have been aware each time that it is Christ working in my life to draw me close to him. Sometimes we are so distracted and so easily satisfied with our intimate earthly relationships, that we don't see the whole inside of us growing deeper and larger the more we don't put Him in it. I have settled for less than the One who can satisfy my heart and my soul. This doesn't mean to say that God doesn't want those intimate and genuine relationships in my life, or the fellowship of other believers. But it does mean that he will remove them if necessary until I learn to seek Him first, to want Him first, and to seek Him out as my all in all.
So more recently, Christ had to take me through another one of these times where he strips me of everything I had turned to before Him. My deepest and most intimate relationships were far from me. I felt disconnected from everyone around me. And in the midst of that I was very aware of what He was doing; only at first I was just mad. I was angry that I had gotten myself into a place where I was trying to fill my heart with anything OTHER than Christ. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is my completion, my sustainer, my everything.
I want this to be my prayer, and the overflow of my heart,
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..." Philippians 3:7-9
And so in the last month or two I have realized that I am lost; I can't identify with who I am in Christ, who he has made me to be, and who I will become in Him. And thus my journey began, and it is one I have to go alone with Christ, seeking Him daily and listening for His whisper in my life. Taking in His beauty in creation, being filled by His Spirit and letting it flow from my heart, and seeking truth abundantly. And so it was this journey, and the recommendation of Bethann, that brought me to Thomas Merton's "New Seeds of Contemplation".
*SIDE NOTE: For those of you who really know me, you know that in terms of reading books on faith and such, I usually read those that really play to the emotional side of me. But in the last month I realized that I want to start challenging the intellectual side of my faith, to really try and read things that I may not understand the first time, I might have to read over twice, but that will cause me to really think through my faith and my relationship with Christ. I'm really excited about it!!*
So back to Merton, so the first few chapters talk about the "contemplative" and I just barely understand what he is talking about so to explain it might completely confuse everyone, not to mention me. Chapter 4 is entitled "Everything that Is, Is Holy"; and talks about all created things and that they aren't evil because God created them, but they are warped by our own perspective. He says,
"We do not detach ourselves from things in order to attach ourselves to God, but rather we become detached from ourselves in order to see and use all things in and for God."
So basically we get so wrapped up in ourselves and our "false self" that we cannot see that,
"When we are one with God's love, we own all things in Him They are ours to offer Him in Christ His Son. For all things belong to the sons of God and we are Christ's and Christ is God's. Resting in His glory above all pleasure or pain, joy or sorrow, and every other good or evil, we love in all things his will rather than the things themselves, and that is the way we make creation a sacrifice in praise of God. This is the end for which all things were made by God."(Merton)
Hmmm. What a way to think and see the world the things that God has created. Sometimes we do get wrapped up in our own line of thinking. We remove ourselves from the "vine" so to speak and lose the perspective of the only One who can see clearly. There is a reason Jesus tells us,
"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain int he vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4
We are to rest in Christ and remain in Him. We are called to "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling"(Philippians 2:12). We are to find our identity in Him and Him alone. He is my Creator, the author and perfecter of my faith. He is the only one who knows every corner of my heart and being, all I am and all I will be is His.
"To work out our own identity in God, which the Bible calls 'working out our salvation', is a labor that requires sacrifice and anguish, risk and many tears. It demands close attention to reality at every moment, and great fidelity to God as He reveals Himself, obscurely, in the mystery of each new situation. We do not know clearly before hand what the result of this work will be.
The secret of my full identity is hidden in Him. He alone can make me who I am, or rather who I will be when at last I fully begin to be. But unless I desire this identity and work to find it with Him and in Him, the work will never be done. The way of doing it is a secret I can learn fro no one else but Him. There is no way of attaining to the secret without faith. But contemplation is the greater and more precious gift, for it enables me to see and understand the work that He wants done." ~Thomas Merton
We all long to live fully as who we are in Christ and who we were made to be. And the only place to seek that is in the One who knows that secret, the secret of who I am. I desire to know Him and be known by Him. I want to be fully identified in Christ, to say that,
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Gal 2:20
Somewhere in the last year or two (maybe longer), without even realizing it, I lost myself. I lost sense of who I was, or rather who I am in Christ. There are times where I think I would sense hints of that, of not really knowing my true self, but I would shrug it off and blame on my current circumstances at the time, or relationships that were in my life. I told a friend once that I felt as though I didn't have any of my "mirrors" around me. You know, those people who know you better than you know yourself and can reflect back to you who you really are. She told me that maybe that was for a reason, and that really I needed to let the One who created me be my mirror.
There have been very specific times in the last year or two where I have felt completely stripped of all my comforts, all my intimate relationships, and all things that I could potentially use to fill the ache inside of me. And I have been aware each time that it is Christ working in my life to draw me close to him. Sometimes we are so distracted and so easily satisfied with our intimate earthly relationships, that we don't see the whole inside of us growing deeper and larger the more we don't put Him in it. I have settled for less than the One who can satisfy my heart and my soul. This doesn't mean to say that God doesn't want those intimate and genuine relationships in my life, or the fellowship of other believers. But it does mean that he will remove them if necessary until I learn to seek Him first, to want Him first, and to seek Him out as my all in all.
So more recently, Christ had to take me through another one of these times where he strips me of everything I had turned to before Him. My deepest and most intimate relationships were far from me. I felt disconnected from everyone around me. And in the midst of that I was very aware of what He was doing; only at first I was just mad. I was angry that I had gotten myself into a place where I was trying to fill my heart with anything OTHER than Christ. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is my completion, my sustainer, my everything.
I want this to be my prayer, and the overflow of my heart,
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..." Philippians 3:7-9
And so in the last month or two I have realized that I am lost; I can't identify with who I am in Christ, who he has made me to be, and who I will become in Him. And thus my journey began, and it is one I have to go alone with Christ, seeking Him daily and listening for His whisper in my life. Taking in His beauty in creation, being filled by His Spirit and letting it flow from my heart, and seeking truth abundantly. And so it was this journey, and the recommendation of Bethann, that brought me to Thomas Merton's "New Seeds of Contemplation".
*SIDE NOTE: For those of you who really know me, you know that in terms of reading books on faith and such, I usually read those that really play to the emotional side of me. But in the last month I realized that I want to start challenging the intellectual side of my faith, to really try and read things that I may not understand the first time, I might have to read over twice, but that will cause me to really think through my faith and my relationship with Christ. I'm really excited about it!!*
So back to Merton, so the first few chapters talk about the "contemplative" and I just barely understand what he is talking about so to explain it might completely confuse everyone, not to mention me. Chapter 4 is entitled "Everything that Is, Is Holy"; and talks about all created things and that they aren't evil because God created them, but they are warped by our own perspective. He says,
"We do not detach ourselves from things in order to attach ourselves to God, but rather we become detached from ourselves in order to see and use all things in and for God."
So basically we get so wrapped up in ourselves and our "false self" that we cannot see that,
"When we are one with God's love, we own all things in Him They are ours to offer Him in Christ His Son. For all things belong to the sons of God and we are Christ's and Christ is God's. Resting in His glory above all pleasure or pain, joy or sorrow, and every other good or evil, we love in all things his will rather than the things themselves, and that is the way we make creation a sacrifice in praise of God. This is the end for which all things were made by God."(Merton)
Hmmm. What a way to think and see the world the things that God has created. Sometimes we do get wrapped up in our own line of thinking. We remove ourselves from the "vine" so to speak and lose the perspective of the only One who can see clearly. There is a reason Jesus tells us,
"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain int he vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4
We are to rest in Christ and remain in Him. We are called to "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling"(Philippians 2:12). We are to find our identity in Him and Him alone. He is my Creator, the author and perfecter of my faith. He is the only one who knows every corner of my heart and being, all I am and all I will be is His.
"To work out our own identity in God, which the Bible calls 'working out our salvation', is a labor that requires sacrifice and anguish, risk and many tears. It demands close attention to reality at every moment, and great fidelity to God as He reveals Himself, obscurely, in the mystery of each new situation. We do not know clearly before hand what the result of this work will be.
The secret of my full identity is hidden in Him. He alone can make me who I am, or rather who I will be when at last I fully begin to be. But unless I desire this identity and work to find it with Him and in Him, the work will never be done. The way of doing it is a secret I can learn fro no one else but Him. There is no way of attaining to the secret without faith. But contemplation is the greater and more precious gift, for it enables me to see and understand the work that He wants done." ~Thomas Merton
We all long to live fully as who we are in Christ and who we were made to be. And the only place to seek that is in the One who knows that secret, the secret of who I am. I desire to know Him and be known by Him. I want to be fully identified in Christ, to say that,
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Gal 2:20
Lately I have this wonderful sense of anticipation. That the Lord is walking me through a period of my life where I am going to deeply discover more of myself and more of Him along the way. And he has pulled my relationships out of my grasp so that it is only Him that I feel close to and it is Christ that I am yearning for and seeking to make me whole. Even more so I want to fully know Him, to walk intimately with Him and be one with Him as "he and the Father are one". I want to be wholly found in Him that I might give myself away for His sake. For the first time in a long time, I am full of anticipation as I enter the next stage of my life, knowing that He is with me and leading me, drawing me to His side and shaping me into the person He has always known I'd be; and I am willing and ready.
Lastly, "The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. But whatever is in God is really identical with Him, for His infinite simplicity admits no division and no distinction. Therefore I cannot hope to find myself anywhere except in Him. Ultimately the only way that I can be myself is to become identified with Him in Whom is hidden the reason and fulfillment of my existence. Therefore there is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him."(Merton).
AMEN!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Rest
I found this a year or two ago while reading The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis.
"Most sweet and loving Jesus, grant me rest in you above every other creature; above all health and beauty, above all honor and glory, above all power and dignity, above all knowledge and wisdom, above all wealth and talent, above all joy and gladness, above all fame and praise, above all sweetness and consolation, above all hope and promise, above all merit and desire, above all the gifts and favors you shower and offer upon me, above all the happiness and joy the mind can perceive and understand, and finally, above all angels and archangels, above the entire host of heaven, above all things visible and invisible, above everything that is not you, My God."
May this be my prayer for each day, that I would find rest in Him, and Him alone.
"Seek ye first..."
"Most sweet and loving Jesus, grant me rest in you above every other creature; above all health and beauty, above all honor and glory, above all power and dignity, above all knowledge and wisdom, above all wealth and talent, above all joy and gladness, above all fame and praise, above all sweetness and consolation, above all hope and promise, above all merit and desire, above all the gifts and favors you shower and offer upon me, above all the happiness and joy the mind can perceive and understand, and finally, above all angels and archangels, above the entire host of heaven, above all things visible and invisible, above everything that is not you, My God."
May this be my prayer for each day, that I would find rest in Him, and Him alone.
"Seek ye first..."
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
"Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'" Luke 9:23
As followers of Jesus, we are called to daily make the decision to surrender our lives to Christ. I want to be a follower that wakes up each morning and before I get out of bed, chooses life. I choose Christ. Right then and there, I take my life and lay it down before him, I deny myself and carry my cross to follow him. This can only be done a day at a time. I cannot live out tomorrow, today. Nor can I live yesterday again. I must live one day at a time, and this is no easy feat. It is hard to lay down our lives, if it was easy, it wouldn't be such a sacrifice. But the love and sacrifice of Christ demands a response, and this is what he asks of us,
"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
Luke 9:24
I cannot do this on my on strength! It is only in Christ that I am able to live each day for Him and not myself, and "to offer my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - which is my spiritual act of worship." (Romans 12:1) And it is a daily act of worship, started a new each day. C.S. Lewis said,
"The thing is to rely only on God. The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence. Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."
AMEN! We start over each day, or at least, that is how it need to be when we are living by God's grace and strength. Boy do I need to learn to live day by day. My mom says I project(in to the future that is) way too much. She's right. I tend to try and live months ahead of time, and if I analyzed it enough I would probably realize that it's because I don't want to rest where I'm at and wait on the Lord. It probably because I am not living each day as a choice to deny myself and follow him, I am looking toward a big picture that I created. How ridiculous does that sound? "A big picture that I created." Who the heck am I to be creating anything, especially ideas and plans for the future; that belongs to God and Him alone. I tend to plan and then ask Him about it, instead of quieting myself before Him and waiting patiently and silently for His whisper. I love what Brennan Manning says here, every time I read it I literally laugh out loud because I think this is me sometimes,
"Deciding what I most need out of life, carefully calculating my next move, and generally allowing my autonomous self to run amuck inflates my sense of self-importance and reduces the God of my incredible journey to the role of spectator on the sidelines. It is only the wisdom and perspective gleaned from an hour of silent prayer each morning that prevents me from running for CEO of the universe."
So I think this is where I am in life. Learning... to be still and know that He is God. To wait patiently for him to reveal himself to me. To seek His will for my life, rather than planning one out on my own and then asking him about it. To accept His timing, not my own. To open my heart to His call, and to listen for His voice, that often comes in a soft whisper.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Choose Today
"See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse - the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; the curse if you disobey the commands of the LORD your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known." ~ Deuteronomy 11:26
We like to think of our faith as a one time choice, a blanket decision that covers the rest of our days in this life; and I guess technically speaking, in certain ways that's true. But not about the way we live out our faith. Each day is a choice, to wake up and either surrender to the Lord, or surrender to our flesh. I think we would like to say that there is a middle ground, a gray area if you will, but if we are honest with ourselves we know that isn't true. We are given a choice each day, and truth be told, it shouldn't be a choice, not a hard one anyway, I mean a "blessing" or a "curse"? One is good and one is bad, one is positive and one is negative; what is there to choose? Matthew Henry, when refering to this passage said,
"Moses sums up all the arguments for obedience in two words, the blessing and the curse. He charged the people to choose which they would have. Moses then appointed a public and solemn proclamation of the blessing and curse, to be made upon the two mountains of Gerizim and Ebal. We have broken the law, and are under its curse, without remedy from ourselves. In mercy, the gospel again sets before us a blessing and a curse. A blessing, if we obey the call to repentance, to faith in Christ, and newness of heart and life through him; an awful curse, if we neglect so great salvation. Let us thankfully welcome these glad tidings of great joy; and let us not harden our hearts, but hear this voice of God while it is called to-day, and while he invites us to come to him upon a mercy-seat. Let us be diligent to make our calling and election sure."
Yes, I have chosen the blessing overall, a life lived in Christ with Him as my rock and my redeamer, the Lord of my life. But I again think that it is a decision I make on a day by day basis as well. And I cannot tell you how many times I wake up and choose the curse over the blessing; all the while knowing what that blessing brings, and that it is what I was made for and what will fulfill my heart and soul. And yet, I still surrender to my flesh, not all the time, but even once makes you look at yourself and ask why? Why do you continue to choose death instead of life, curse instead of blessing, yourself instead of your Creator?
And so my charge to myself is to wake up each day, and choose life, choose the blessing, and
"Fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
~ Hebrews 12:2
And one last note, Audio Adrenaline has a song entitled "This Day" that can outline that choice for each day,
We like to think of our faith as a one time choice, a blanket decision that covers the rest of our days in this life; and I guess technically speaking, in certain ways that's true. But not about the way we live out our faith. Each day is a choice, to wake up and either surrender to the Lord, or surrender to our flesh. I think we would like to say that there is a middle ground, a gray area if you will, but if we are honest with ourselves we know that isn't true. We are given a choice each day, and truth be told, it shouldn't be a choice, not a hard one anyway, I mean a "blessing" or a "curse"? One is good and one is bad, one is positive and one is negative; what is there to choose? Matthew Henry, when refering to this passage said,
"Moses sums up all the arguments for obedience in two words, the blessing and the curse. He charged the people to choose which they would have. Moses then appointed a public and solemn proclamation of the blessing and curse, to be made upon the two mountains of Gerizim and Ebal. We have broken the law, and are under its curse, without remedy from ourselves. In mercy, the gospel again sets before us a blessing and a curse. A blessing, if we obey the call to repentance, to faith in Christ, and newness of heart and life through him; an awful curse, if we neglect so great salvation. Let us thankfully welcome these glad tidings of great joy; and let us not harden our hearts, but hear this voice of God while it is called to-day, and while he invites us to come to him upon a mercy-seat. Let us be diligent to make our calling and election sure."
Yes, I have chosen the blessing overall, a life lived in Christ with Him as my rock and my redeamer, the Lord of my life. But I again think that it is a decision I make on a day by day basis as well. And I cannot tell you how many times I wake up and choose the curse over the blessing; all the while knowing what that blessing brings, and that it is what I was made for and what will fulfill my heart and soul. And yet, I still surrender to my flesh, not all the time, but even once makes you look at yourself and ask why? Why do you continue to choose death instead of life, curse instead of blessing, yourself instead of your Creator?
And so my charge to myself is to wake up each day, and choose life, choose the blessing, and
"Fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
~ Hebrews 12:2
And one last note, Audio Adrenaline has a song entitled "This Day" that can outline that choice for each day,
"It's six A.M, I'm so tired
The alarm sounds And the new day begins
Before I go and disturb this peaceful moment
I look to You
I want to say a prayer
I want to say a prayer
Before my feet can hit the ground
Lord I give this day to You "
Monday, July 09, 2007
Oy Vey
I'm not sure what is going on with my brain today, other than the fact that it isn't working. There isn't a coherent thought coming out of me!
On a side note, I bought Thomas Merton's "New Seeds of Contemplation" today. That should generate some interesting thoughts.
On a side note, I bought Thomas Merton's "New Seeds of Contemplation" today. That should generate some interesting thoughts.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Random Note
So there is part of me that started this blog with the intention to study more and delve deeper into who Jesus is, what scripture says, and what we can do with that. Because I'm such a feeler, I want to learn to walk my faith intellectually as well, to know the word of God, to write it on my heart, and to speak it with certainty and faith. And most of all, to live a life of learning, seeking, and soaking up whatever knowledge the Lord would lead me to. In light of that statement/thought/revelation: I have a LONG way to go. And that is a bit daunting, or maybe its exciting..... but mostly daunting.
So in that, pray for me, that my heart would be open to the Holy Spirit. To his gentle pushes and pulls, to his quiet whisper; that I would open my heart and my mind fully to the Lord.
So in that, pray for me, that my heart would be open to the Holy Spirit. To his gentle pushes and pulls, to his quiet whisper; that I would open my heart and my mind fully to the Lord.
An Encouraging Note:
I did summer staff at Lake Champion back in June of 2002. I was an AM Cook and one of my biggest encouragements and source of laughter that month was a girl from North Carolina names Jenni Bennett. I ended up staying the rest of that summer and occasionally just really struggled with where God had me. I felt confused and alone at times, I shared that with Jenni (who by the way was only 18 at the time...18!..), and this is what she wrote back:
"My love. I am sure, more and more and more and more, that Christ is making himself evident through every aspect of life. I don't just see Christ in believers, I don't just talk to Christ in prayer, and my walk is not limited to growth only when I am at work crew. I am utterly convinced that every single situation in my life I'm going through, good, bad, or seemingly trivial; I am in it to see the face of Christ. And its not like 'Oh Christ, let me learn the lessons I am supposed to today'; its like stop looking for self-realization and start seeking the blessed face of the Lord. Like a bottom line concept, I would say, is that God is going to keep me in my current situations until I delve deep enough to realize what I'm truly living for. So as my soul cries out from deep depths for guidance, Christ is completely saying back to me, 'Jen, there is no way in hell I would let you get into that crappy spot with no purpose. If i have you there, I have you there, and your own strength will never be enough to rescue you. So lock eyes with me, and we will get done what needs to be done.' Whether it be serving, whether it be learning, whatever it is to be for each of us individually; I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is going to accomplish His will. 1 Samuel 3:18 verse b says 'He is the Lord; let him do what is right in his eyes.' That is a promise my friend, that no matter how confused you are about your present circumstances, Christ has every intention of continuing your journey; every intention of continual transformation. Christ is working on your heart, and he will not back down."
I had lost this for a while and then found it again last year and was just floored by the fact that she was so young when she poured out such real and simple truth about Christ and his work in our lives. This continues to encourage me; not only that Christ is continually working and that "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."; but it serves as a reminder that my focus should be on Him, and His face, not on my circumstances or on finding "self-realization". When looking into the blessed face of the Lord; that is where we will find ourselves, and what we were created for.
"My love. I am sure, more and more and more and more, that Christ is making himself evident through every aspect of life. I don't just see Christ in believers, I don't just talk to Christ in prayer, and my walk is not limited to growth only when I am at work crew. I am utterly convinced that every single situation in my life I'm going through, good, bad, or seemingly trivial; I am in it to see the face of Christ. And its not like 'Oh Christ, let me learn the lessons I am supposed to today'; its like stop looking for self-realization and start seeking the blessed face of the Lord. Like a bottom line concept, I would say, is that God is going to keep me in my current situations until I delve deep enough to realize what I'm truly living for. So as my soul cries out from deep depths for guidance, Christ is completely saying back to me, 'Jen, there is no way in hell I would let you get into that crappy spot with no purpose. If i have you there, I have you there, and your own strength will never be enough to rescue you. So lock eyes with me, and we will get done what needs to be done.' Whether it be serving, whether it be learning, whatever it is to be for each of us individually; I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is going to accomplish His will. 1 Samuel 3:18 verse b says 'He is the Lord; let him do what is right in his eyes.' That is a promise my friend, that no matter how confused you are about your present circumstances, Christ has every intention of continuing your journey; every intention of continual transformation. Christ is working on your heart, and he will not back down."
I had lost this for a while and then found it again last year and was just floored by the fact that she was so young when she poured out such real and simple truth about Christ and his work in our lives. This continues to encourage me; not only that Christ is continually working and that "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."; but it serves as a reminder that my focus should be on Him, and His face, not on my circumstances or on finding "self-realization". When looking into the blessed face of the Lord; that is where we will find ourselves, and what we were created for.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
But seek ye first the kingdom of God...
So once again this morning I delved into Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest", only this time, i stayed on the right schedule: July 5th (although I read the 4th as well). Maybe its me, or rather maybe its the Holy Spirit leading accordingly, but I am coming across literature that is paralleling my life right now.
So if you know me well, you know that I over analyze EVERYTHING and I'm a bit of a worrier; which i know its exactly NOT what the Lord would have me be; because its kind of the epitome of not trusting him. So Chambers was talking about worrying and fretting, and then about planning without God in mind; both things I have done in the last month (well really the worrying....yeah that's more like the last 24 years of my life). He said that "Fretting means getting ourselves 'out of joint' mentally or spiritually" and that "resting in the Lord is not dependent on our external circumstances, but on our relationship with God himself". That second one seems a bit like a "duh" doesn't it? And yet, in the last month, I found myself trying to plan and change my circumstances to create this perfect picture where I thought everything would fall into place well and that is where I would be able to rest in the Lord and seek him and be still. Ridiculous. As i think about it now, I almost have to laugh at my thought process in all of that. You cannot manipulate a situation to be a certain way in hopes of meeting Christ daily more favorably; you simply need to meet him as you are, and allow him to meet you where you are.
All of that being said, somewhere in the last two weeks or so, the Holy Spirit just kind of righted my thinking i guess. I realized that I was planning things, and then asking the Lord about them instead of simply seeking Him and allowing Him to reveal himself to me. In response to that realization; I've been able to surrender (by the grace of God - definitely not me) to that; to lay down my plans and manipulations, and to understand that God is calling me to rest and wait on Him. Which, lets be honest, is not all that easy because we are human and we like to have a plan and to execute it in a quick and orderly fashion. But there is no growth in that, not in rushing through things, or following a how-to list. We must wait, and trust.
"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." ~ Habbakkuk 2:3
Growth comes in that sweet surrender to a Father who loves us and knows what is best for us; surrender to His will and His plan, not our own; surrender to letting go of our fears and anxieties about the future, and simply waiting on Him. Something Chambers wrote really stuck with me, he said "Our Lord never worried and was never anxious because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God's plans." And the reason that we are able to rest fully and let go of worry when we are purposefully trying to fulfill God's plans, is that they are HIS plans, he is in control. Remember truth, hold fast to it, Christ loves us and "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose."(Romans 8:28)
So most of you know that I worked at Lake Champion for almost four years. And a huge part of our job/responsiblity to our work crew was ensuring that we started and closed our days with scripture and prayer. I loved when Bob (Davis, my boss) would share; he just really held fast to truth, and to what scripture promised and spoke to us. One of his favorite passages in scripture is Psalm 37:3-5:
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him..." And verse 7 follows with "Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret..."
Bob always said it was almost like a formula: Trust, Delight, Commit. That those were three very straightforward things that we could do in response to who Christ is and who we want him to be in our lives. With trust, comes peace, and an ability to rest in those safe pastures; will the absolute faith that God is who he says he is and he has us in his hands. When we are delighting in the Lord, when this is truth:
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him" (Psalm 62:5)
then our desires line up with Him because we are abiding in him and the Holy Spirit is at work within us, shaping and changing our hearts so that the things we would long for, become those that Christ himself has put in our hearts. And what more can we offer our Savior than our lives? When we commit ourselves to the God of salvation, when we surrender our lives over and commit our ways to him, in the exact way we are designed to; well simply put:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"(1 Corinthians 2:9)
I guess in all of this, what I am learning, or rather trying to learn, is that I need to simply seek Christ. I need to sit at the foot of the throne of God and wait paitently for him to move. I need to stop planning, stop orchestrating, and simply "BE". Easier said than done, and yet, I don't I have felt more strongly or clearly about anything in my life. there is a peace and I know with all of my heart that this place, at His feet with my head bowed and my heart opened up to him, is exactly where he would want me.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)
So if you know me well, you know that I over analyze EVERYTHING and I'm a bit of a worrier; which i know its exactly NOT what the Lord would have me be; because its kind of the epitome of not trusting him. So Chambers was talking about worrying and fretting, and then about planning without God in mind; both things I have done in the last month (well really the worrying....yeah that's more like the last 24 years of my life). He said that "Fretting means getting ourselves 'out of joint' mentally or spiritually" and that "resting in the Lord is not dependent on our external circumstances, but on our relationship with God himself". That second one seems a bit like a "duh" doesn't it? And yet, in the last month, I found myself trying to plan and change my circumstances to create this perfect picture where I thought everything would fall into place well and that is where I would be able to rest in the Lord and seek him and be still. Ridiculous. As i think about it now, I almost have to laugh at my thought process in all of that. You cannot manipulate a situation to be a certain way in hopes of meeting Christ daily more favorably; you simply need to meet him as you are, and allow him to meet you where you are.
All of that being said, somewhere in the last two weeks or so, the Holy Spirit just kind of righted my thinking i guess. I realized that I was planning things, and then asking the Lord about them instead of simply seeking Him and allowing Him to reveal himself to me. In response to that realization; I've been able to surrender (by the grace of God - definitely not me) to that; to lay down my plans and manipulations, and to understand that God is calling me to rest and wait on Him. Which, lets be honest, is not all that easy because we are human and we like to have a plan and to execute it in a quick and orderly fashion. But there is no growth in that, not in rushing through things, or following a how-to list. We must wait, and trust.
"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." ~ Habbakkuk 2:3
Growth comes in that sweet surrender to a Father who loves us and knows what is best for us; surrender to His will and His plan, not our own; surrender to letting go of our fears and anxieties about the future, and simply waiting on Him. Something Chambers wrote really stuck with me, he said "Our Lord never worried and was never anxious because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God's plans." And the reason that we are able to rest fully and let go of worry when we are purposefully trying to fulfill God's plans, is that they are HIS plans, he is in control. Remember truth, hold fast to it, Christ loves us and "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose."(Romans 8:28)
So most of you know that I worked at Lake Champion for almost four years. And a huge part of our job/responsiblity to our work crew was ensuring that we started and closed our days with scripture and prayer. I loved when Bob (Davis, my boss) would share; he just really held fast to truth, and to what scripture promised and spoke to us. One of his favorite passages in scripture is Psalm 37:3-5:
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him..." And verse 7 follows with "Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret..."
Bob always said it was almost like a formula: Trust, Delight, Commit. That those were three very straightforward things that we could do in response to who Christ is and who we want him to be in our lives. With trust, comes peace, and an ability to rest in those safe pastures; will the absolute faith that God is who he says he is and he has us in his hands. When we are delighting in the Lord, when this is truth:
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him" (Psalm 62:5)
then our desires line up with Him because we are abiding in him and the Holy Spirit is at work within us, shaping and changing our hearts so that the things we would long for, become those that Christ himself has put in our hearts. And what more can we offer our Savior than our lives? When we commit ourselves to the God of salvation, when we surrender our lives over and commit our ways to him, in the exact way we are designed to; well simply put:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"(1 Corinthians 2:9)
I guess in all of this, what I am learning, or rather trying to learn, is that I need to simply seek Christ. I need to sit at the foot of the throne of God and wait paitently for him to move. I need to stop planning, stop orchestrating, and simply "BE". Easier said than done, and yet, I don't I have felt more strongly or clearly about anything in my life. there is a peace and I know with all of my heart that this place, at His feet with my head bowed and my heart opened up to him, is exactly where he would want me.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Assurance
I was reading this morning out of "My Utmost for His Highest"; I'm not on daily schedule with this particular book so I was reading June 4th and 5th and he was talking about the assurance of God in our lives.
The base verses were out of Hebrews 13: 5-6 stating "'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. '" And I started thinking about what I was talking about before; leaning on what we know to be true and not our own feelings. In these two days, Chambers talks about where our thought lies, whether with truth that comes from God, or on our apprehension. I am queen of focusing on apprehension. I over analyze everything under the sun; and it's in that worry and constant analytical state that I lose site of Christ and his truth. Have you ever seen "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"? There is a part near the beginning when Robin (Kevin Costner) is trying to cross the river into Sherwood Forest and he is stopped by Little John. After fighting it out with big wooden rods, Robin eventually knocks Little John off the bridge into the water. OK, mental picture, Little John (if you have ever seen the movie you know he is not little, try like 6'6" and like 290 lbs. -guess) falls off the bridge and starts freaking out that he's drowning. You have to realize that this is a very real fear to Little John, he cannot swim and he is scared to death of deep water. In the midst of his hysterics, Robin looks down and yells "Stand up!". Little John stops flailing long enough to stumble and stand up; thus realizing he is in about three feet of water. This is such of picture of my life sometimes. I get knocked down by things and start freaking out because cannot get perspective on the situation; all the while the Lord is yelling down on me to "stand up". I forget truth, I forget the Lord's assurance that He "will never leave me nor forsake me". I let my fear and apprehension take hold of me and almost drown me.
In Matthew 14, Jesus walks on water, and as he is out there, Peter (our favorite loudmouth disciple ) asks Jesus to call him out onto the water. Starting in verse 29, "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Is this not the same thing?!? The second Peter takes his eyes of Christ and put them on the fear and apprehension of his situation, he began to sink. How often do we take our eyes of Christ because we are so overcome by the circumstances of our situations? We will never walk safely out of those situations until we learn to lock eyes with Christ and let him lead us out of it; we will never walk out of them on our own.
There is a reason that the Lord says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32) It is only when resting in his assurance and truth that we are exactly where He wants us to be. It is only there that we can be free from our own fear, apprehension, and doubt about where we are. To wrap it up, Oswald Chambers said:
"I will not be obsessed with apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God’s words of assurance. I will be full of courage, like a child who strives to reach the standard his father has set for him. The faith of many people begins to falter when apprehensions enter their thinking, and they forget the meaning of God’s assurance— they forget to take a deep spiritual breath. The only way to remove the fear from our lives is to listen to God’s assurance to us."
The base verses were out of Hebrews 13: 5-6 stating "'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. '" And I started thinking about what I was talking about before; leaning on what we know to be true and not our own feelings. In these two days, Chambers talks about where our thought lies, whether with truth that comes from God, or on our apprehension. I am queen of focusing on apprehension. I over analyze everything under the sun; and it's in that worry and constant analytical state that I lose site of Christ and his truth. Have you ever seen "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"? There is a part near the beginning when Robin (Kevin Costner) is trying to cross the river into Sherwood Forest and he is stopped by Little John. After fighting it out with big wooden rods, Robin eventually knocks Little John off the bridge into the water. OK, mental picture, Little John (if you have ever seen the movie you know he is not little, try like 6'6" and like 290 lbs. -guess) falls off the bridge and starts freaking out that he's drowning. You have to realize that this is a very real fear to Little John, he cannot swim and he is scared to death of deep water. In the midst of his hysterics, Robin looks down and yells "Stand up!". Little John stops flailing long enough to stumble and stand up; thus realizing he is in about three feet of water. This is such of picture of my life sometimes. I get knocked down by things and start freaking out because cannot get perspective on the situation; all the while the Lord is yelling down on me to "stand up". I forget truth, I forget the Lord's assurance that He "will never leave me nor forsake me". I let my fear and apprehension take hold of me and almost drown me.
In Matthew 14, Jesus walks on water, and as he is out there, Peter (our favorite loudmouth disciple ) asks Jesus to call him out onto the water. Starting in verse 29, "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Is this not the same thing?!? The second Peter takes his eyes of Christ and put them on the fear and apprehension of his situation, he began to sink. How often do we take our eyes of Christ because we are so overcome by the circumstances of our situations? We will never walk safely out of those situations until we learn to lock eyes with Christ and let him lead us out of it; we will never walk out of them on our own.
There is a reason that the Lord says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32) It is only when resting in his assurance and truth that we are exactly where He wants us to be. It is only there that we can be free from our own fear, apprehension, and doubt about where we are. To wrap it up, Oswald Chambers said:
"I will not be obsessed with apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God’s words of assurance. I will be full of courage, like a child who strives to reach the standard his father has set for him. The faith of many people begins to falter when apprehensions enter their thinking, and they forget the meaning of God’s assurance— they forget to take a deep spiritual breath. The only way to remove the fear from our lives is to listen to God’s assurance to us."
Monday, July 02, 2007
"Divine Romance" by Phil Wickham
"The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied
For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love
A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied"
Humble obedience
So I'm not really sure how this whole blogging thing goes, but here we go.
So I am a feeler, to the core, and its hard for me to walk in my relationship with Christ relying completely on the intellectual. Unfortunately, we aren't always going to "feel" Jesus, or His presence, or like we want to be reading or praying or evening being around other believers. And yet, that is where obedience comes in I guess. Jesus didn't say "follow me" - when you feel like it; or "deny yourself and take up your cross" - when you feel like it; we are just to simply obey. This has been a life long struggle of mine, the line between feeling and thinking, between what I feel to be true at the moment, and what I know to be true all the time. A friend recently told me that at the points in his life where he really didn't feel like he wanted to read or to engage with the Lord, he would write down ten things he knew to be true about God. This forced him to face what he knew to be true, and thus be able to lean on that understanding and knowledge, not the deception of our feelings. I see where I have had to do this in other places in my life, different relationships and such; and yet when it comes to Christ, more often than not, I tend to just give up, and sit down like a child and pout. I always hated the idea of spending time with the Lord out of duty or habit, instead of desire or adoration. And yet, there is love and adoration expressed through obedience. The Lord wants our hearts, fully and completely, and He is a jealous God and I am convinced now, more than ever that He will strip us of those things we cling to tighter than we should, to make room in our hearts for the One who deserves it, and desires it so much. And so I guess what I have realized in the last few years is that He will not give up on me or let me go, that he will continue to work in my heart, molding me and shaping me, breaking me down, and building me back up, striping away distractions, and placing new blessing in my life, all the while desiring that I would fall more deeply in love with Him, and learn to trust Him with every fiber of my being. It will be obedience that will carry me through those times with out "feeling" and truth that will lead me to the throne of God.
So I am a feeler, to the core, and its hard for me to walk in my relationship with Christ relying completely on the intellectual. Unfortunately, we aren't always going to "feel" Jesus, or His presence, or like we want to be reading or praying or evening being around other believers. And yet, that is where obedience comes in I guess. Jesus didn't say "follow me" - when you feel like it; or "deny yourself and take up your cross" - when you feel like it; we are just to simply obey. This has been a life long struggle of mine, the line between feeling and thinking, between what I feel to be true at the moment, and what I know to be true all the time. A friend recently told me that at the points in his life where he really didn't feel like he wanted to read or to engage with the Lord, he would write down ten things he knew to be true about God. This forced him to face what he knew to be true, and thus be able to lean on that understanding and knowledge, not the deception of our feelings. I see where I have had to do this in other places in my life, different relationships and such; and yet when it comes to Christ, more often than not, I tend to just give up, and sit down like a child and pout. I always hated the idea of spending time with the Lord out of duty or habit, instead of desire or adoration. And yet, there is love and adoration expressed through obedience. The Lord wants our hearts, fully and completely, and He is a jealous God and I am convinced now, more than ever that He will strip us of those things we cling to tighter than we should, to make room in our hearts for the One who deserves it, and desires it so much. And so I guess what I have realized in the last few years is that He will not give up on me or let me go, that he will continue to work in my heart, molding me and shaping me, breaking me down, and building me back up, striping away distractions, and placing new blessing in my life, all the while desiring that I would fall more deeply in love with Him, and learn to trust Him with every fiber of my being. It will be obedience that will carry me through those times with out "feeling" and truth that will lead me to the throne of God.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
My Heart
So I guess I am just jumping on every bandwagon there is out there, although I think I like this more than myspace, or rather I feel better about using it... one or the other. I guess my reasoning behind this is that my heart and my head have been going in circles for a long time now, with thoughts and feelings about life and Jesus, and what its all about. So I figured I would get some of that off my chest, out of my head, and on to paper (so to speak). This is how I process things, sharing them, growing as i write and hopefully receiving feedback. Enjoy.
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